Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
