One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
