it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
