i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
