He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
