guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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