when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
