does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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