There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have post one night stand depression
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