I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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