i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
