Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
