Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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