i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
