I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
