an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
