The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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