Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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