I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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