he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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