Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
