i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mom said you looked used
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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