I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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