Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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