Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize