so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
