Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
