i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
