How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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