I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
