You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
