we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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