oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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