Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
