dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
