ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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