Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
