dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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