there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
