ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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