Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
