You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
