I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
