grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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