I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
