he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
