Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
