do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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