are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
