I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
