Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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