She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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