The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
