I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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