She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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