if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
