he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
