giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
