would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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