We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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