He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
