1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
smell my finger.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
