You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
