epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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