I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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