when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
