having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
