You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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