You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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