I met the friendliest cop last night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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