I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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