I am spending my child support on dildos
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
