i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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