No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
