Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
