you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
