Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
