no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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